Beyond My Writing Space
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Sunday, 29 March 2009
As far as putting things into a post box go, I am rubbish at it. Remembering what day it is, and when it is not a problem for me. I'll by a card, I'll write in it, I'll even address and put a stamp on it. But actually posting it? I seem to have a missing particle in my DNA, because I never remember to do it.
No one in my family expects a card from me.
So when mother's day came around this year, I got up especially early for a sunday to wish my mum a happy mother's day. For me, poetry is a beautiful way of saying something to someone you love, so I wanted to write my mum a poem. I spent days thinking about my earliest memories of my mum. Actually thinking about the first physical presence I remembered, where I can see her in my minds eye, and whats she was doing. Then I started thinking about the memories that really stuck out for me. The ones that made me smile, or cringe.
The first half of the poem expresses the view that as children we don't consider what our mums do for us. We have a "me, me, me" prospective and mums are there to stifle us, use us as an excuse when they screw up, stop us for doing what we want, and embarass us. A form of parental torture worthy of the title The Wicked Witch. The second half of the poem is from an adult perspective. It's about how much I appreciate my mum, that I think she did a good job, and that I don't bare any grudges for what she has done to me as a child. The last paragraph is acknowledging that she isn't perfect, but thanking her for being my mum.
Saturday, 7 March 2009
I work at in the Fleet Dept, of an insurance company and for Valentine's Day 2009 we had a competition. The prize was a £20 for pretty much anywhere. The taks was to do something romantic that would capture the managers heart. I wanted my entry to be a poem, but I wasn't really feeling all that inspired. Then on the last day for entries I woke up with a little rhyme in my head and within 45 minutes I'd composed the whole poem.
Do you remember the first time the last time you fell in love?
Somehow I tapped into that feeling when you starting falling for the person who makes your world turn. The Crush is about that one person who makes your stomach flip with just the smallest of actions. You try ignore it. You try to hide it. You try to deny it. When its obvious to everyone that you fancy the pants off that person.
Unfortunatly, I didn't win the competition. I lost out to heart shaped strawberry cheesecakes.
I think I was incredibly lucky to be as old as 16 the first time that I experienced the death of a close family member. As the youngest of 5, I know that it could have quite easily been a situation where I was too young to even remember my Grandma but its hard to accept death when you're old enough to understand what it means...
The end of someone's life
The first time you learn that someone close to you has passed away, and you actually understand the above line its incredibly difficult to accept, grieving for the loss of that person is the only way to allow life to move on and different people grieve in different ways.
When my grandmother passed away, my family all got together and we sat around my mum's house talking, crying, trying to get our heads around it. I went back to work the following day because I couldn't cope with it and I just wanted to get my mind off the fact that my grandma was gone.
This difficult period for me was a time for me to decide my opinion on life, death, and the after life. For me, what makes a person is what is inside their heart. Not their phsyical being, but their soul. This is something death can not take away.
The poem Grandmacame about whilst I was assessing my opinion on death. It helped me come up with my conclusions. It helped me grieve for the loss of my grandmother and to this day, almost 11 years later, I still find comfort in this poem.